This year I turned 30. Here are 30 things that I’ve learned along my life journey so far.
1. Fear is a blessing and a curse.
Fear is a necessity in that it protects us from danger. I would say I’m quite a fearful person. It makes me think twice before I act and I tend to think things through before making decisions. When fear validates our instincts it’s a good thing. However fear becomes a problem when it stops us living the life we want to live. When we become too scared to take on new opportunities because of uncertainty or because we have to step out of our comfort zone, this is when fear becomes a burden. Something I’ve learnt throughout my adult life so far is to acknowledge fear and identify what type of fear it is before I let it influence my decisions. I’ll ask myself, am I scared of what might happen to me? Or am I scared of what others might think of me? If it’s the latter, then it’s not usually a genuine fear to be concerned about.
2. I have a deeper understanding of what it
means to be authentic.
These are the things that make someone uniquely them. These are the things that define someone outside of their day job and their relationships and their ethnicity and the town and society they live in. And true authenticity comes from not seeking approval of the things that make you who you are. You have to be unapologetically yourself to be truly authentic. Staying curious and living creatively has definitely helped me on my journey of finding out who I truly am. I’m not saying that I’ve got it all figured out though – I don’t. I think life’s a journey of discovery of the self and the self is forever growing and changing. We don’t simply find ourselves, we create and shape ourselves into who we truly are and want to be. You can’t be authentic by following the crowd to ‘fit in’. It takes bravery to be authentic sometimes.
3. Being judgmental closes off our hearts to
understanding others.
I’m quite proud of my ability to not judge others. If I ever catch myself forming an opinion of somebody when I don’t even really know them I stop myself. I think we live in quite a judgemental society but judging others has never come naturally to me. I’ve always made an effort to avoid gossip or ‘bitchy’ conversations. If I end up in that situation I tend not to contribute. I find it uncomfortable and unnecessary. I truly believe there is good in everyone so we must never focus on people’s flaws because it can make us blind to their strengths. You also never know the full story, so judgemental comments can also block us from truly understanding others and accepting them as humans just like all of us.
4. I know how to look after my body.
Investing in my health is probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’m lucky in the fact I have a genuine interest in looking after my body and I’m super passionate about food and nutrition. I can be a hypochondriac, which despite causing me occasional anxiety is useful because I try my best to keep myself healthy to avoid illness. In my 20s I took it upon myself to educate myself about what we humans should be eating. I now eat a mostly plant based diet. I understand how my body feels and what I need to do to feel better. I’m forever grateful for the lessons I’ve learnt about health.
Further reading:
5. True friends can be counted on your hands.
When I was at school I had a group of friends of around 20 or so piers. Now I can confidently say I have about 7 close friends. As you get older you learn the true meaning of friendship. As you develop as a person through adolescence you meet people who gravitate towards you naturally and these are the people that deserve your time and energy. It’s important to know the difference between a true friend and an acquaintance. Know who these people are and maintain those relationships. It’s also a lot easier to maintain a select few relationships! We all have busy lives.
6. Kindness costs nothing.
As the well known quote goes, ‘in a world where you can be anything, be kind.’ It goes without saying that no matter how good looking, educated or wealthy someone is, even if they are super interesting and passionate, it all means nothing without kindness. Always be kind to others, always.
7. I need time to myself and I enjoy my
own company.
Those close to me will know that I can be really grumpy when I’ve not had time to myself (sorry!). There have been times when I’ve been on holiday with friends where it’ll be great for the first couple of days, but then after a while the constant pressure to socialise can send me into a downward spiral of low mood. In those moments I simply have to step away and be on my own for a little while so I can recharge my energy. It’s just part of being an introvert.
8. Coffee is a life saver.
Ok maybe a bit extreme to call it a saver of lives but I just want to take a moment to express my gratitude for coffee. It’s helped me get through a lot of challenges, from job interviews to all nighters when I was at uni to gym sessions when I’m really not feeling it. Thank you
nature for giving us glorious coffee.
9. I’m really bad at talking about myself.
Some people love to talk about themselves. To some people it just seems to come so easy, as they eloquently put together sentences that grip the listener. There are some people that could make a trip to the supermarket sound like a grand adventure. This is something I envy. I would probably give a kidney to gain the skills and confidence of verbal storytelling (not really). I’m always in awe of TED talkers and wish I could be one. Speaking, particularly about myself is not my strong point. I sometimes even actively avoid talking about myself and I don’t usually unless someone asks me a question. It can be frustrating in the sense that it makes it difficult for people to get to know me. I’ve had friends even point it out before. They’ll say ‘Why didn’t you mention the time when you did that’ or worse they’ll talk for me when something comes up in conversation that I could contribute to, and say something like ‘Faine, didn’t you do that too once?’ – forcing me to speak. In saying that I am actually really grateful to have friends who do that for me because in all honesty I do need the occasional push! So here’s a slightly reluctant thank you to those reading this who know what I’m talking about. I do really enjoy writing down my thoughts though and find it far easier than speaking my mind. It’s one of the reasons I started this blog. I’ve even thought about starting a podcast with the hope of improving my confidence when it comes to talking. So maybe look out for that in the future… no promises though!
10. I’m changing my views on ageing.
I used to be terrified of aging. The thought of leaving my youth behind me made me feel really uneasy. I haven’t yet been able to completely shake this worry, and sadly it often comes down to worrying about the physical signs of aging, which makes me sound really shallow and I’m ashamed to admit that. But a really lovely thing about getting older is that you’re still you, just more you. I really believe in that. You can’t have wisdom without life experience and that only comes with age. I’ve also learnt how to look after my health as I mentioned above, which has had a massive positive impact on how I feel about getting older, because I feel more in control when it comes to reducing my risk of illnesses often associated with ageing. It really does pay to look after your health! Perhaps another reason for the fear is that I really love the UK nightlife scene. Despite my introversion I love electronic music. I’ve lost count of the amount of gigs and raves I went to in my 20s and I have no intention of not going to gigs now that I’m not really a kid anymore. I do feel myself enjoying the comfort of the sofa on a saturday night more than I used to, but I’m still buying tickets to see my favourite DJs and going to music festivals because I love it far too much to give up, even if I find myself falling asleep standing up outside a bus stop in brixton at 3am… it’s still 100% worth the energy drain. I’ll just have to ensure I go into hibernation for a couple of days afterwards to recharge.
11. I’m changing my views on what it means
to be a woman.
If one more person mentions a body clock I might explode! I’ve never had a desire to be a mother. When I was a child I said to my mum that I don’t want children and still to this day I have no desire to have children. I was a bit of a Tomboy growing up. I didn’t play with dolls because they gave me the creeps. My only doll was a cycling Barbie. I used to be far more interested in collecting bugs in jars and painting myself blue than trying on high heels and pushing a tiny pram around. I didn’t even wear makeup until I was about 18. As I leave my 20s I have questioned whether my lack of maternal instinct is normal. I’ve even cried my eyes out thinking I’m a failure and a disappointment of a woman because of it. But I can’t pretend to want children. And for a little while I did pretend just to fit in and it could have ruined perfectly good relationships. I’m not ok with that anymore. Having children is not a woman’s only purpose in life. This is not to say I’ll never have them, but I’m in no rush and the fact I’m 30 doesn’t phase me. I’m no longer going to stress about ‘running out of time’ to be a mother. If it happens it happens, and if it doesn’t that’s fine too.
12. I’m finding more often that I have to
plan social gatherings months in advance.
More and more I’ve noticed that I actually have to use a calendar to plan my life. I think I’ve made plans to go out for brunch with a friend about three months in advance before. Seems absurd but life is just so damn busy all the time for me and all the people in my life now. Something I know for sure though is that I really do value the time I do spend with people now that meeting up with them is less frequent. I think having less time is oddly another reason why I’ve formed closer friendships with people in my late 20s, because you have to be selective about who you spend time with and I think the whole selection part is something that just happens naturally and the people who always make time for you are those that are essentially worth your time.
13. You don’t have to do loads of cardio to be
fit and healthy.
Lifting weight is a really effective way of building fitness and muscle and I’ve come to love it. I’ve never gotten on with doing loads of Cardio. I enjoy it in quick bursts such as sprinting or rowing really fast on the rowing machine, but long distance running is not for me. My views on fitness have changed a lot since I was younger. It’s a lot easier to build fitness and tone up than I originally thought – as long as you’re eating the right food and exercising regularly you’re doing great. It’s definitely super important to move your body every day, but even walking 10,000 steps every single day is a great way to stay active, and being outside in nature has added wellbeing boosting benefits.
14. Travelling the world is one of the most valuable life experiences you can have.
I’ve never really done the whole backpacking thing, where you travel around the world for months on end, going from place to place without coming home for a while. The longest I’ve ever been in another country was one month spent in Ecuador, volunteering. It was amazing, but part of me has always been jealous of those who have gone away for six months to a year. I’ve just never had the funds to do so, so I haven’t. I have however travelled a lot in smaller chunks, so I can’t really complain and my travel experience has not been less impactful on my personal growth than that of a backpacker. I’ve been to 26 countries across 6 continents in both the northern and southern hemisphere. I’ve also visited 6 states in the USA. The variety of places, cultures, natural environments and cities that I’ve been lucky enough to see and experience has really expanded my understanding of the world and the people and the creatures we share it with. We can learn so much from our fellow humans around the world – whether it’s the humble and peaceful outlook of a Budhist monk in Thailand or a local guide explaining the variety of medicinal plants found in the Amazon Rainforest, their knowledge and cultures are invaluable. Every time I come home it really brings me back down to earth and I begin to notice the things that I usually, somewhat unknowingly take for granted and this has really helped me to feel lucky and grateful for what I have.
Further reading:
15. Meditation is amazing.
Sometimes I find it very difficult to meditate, particularly when I’m on my own. I’m sure anyone who’s tried to meditate has found themselves wondering what they’re going to have for dinner that evening, or why the heck a duck billed platypus exists, rather than focusing on the here and now. Being present is not easy. We live in a fast paced environment, constantly thinking about our next move, our next meeting or our next project. But this is why taking time out to switch off is so important. I tend to find guided meditations much easier and more effective, whether it’s via a podcast or in a group. When I manage to drift into ‘the zone’ during meditation I find it has a profound effect on my wellbeing. It significantly reduces any stress or anxiety I’m feeling at the time. My mind feels quieter, my body feels lighter and often my creativity heightens which is awesome. It’s like medicine for the mind and body. If you’ve never tried it you really should, especially if you’re prone to stress like I am – it’s really good for that.
16. Home isn’t confined to one place for me.
I currently live in Southampton in the UK and have done now for about two years. Southampton is my home now, but so is the town I grew up in, Woking – I think I will always feel at home there, even though I don’t go back there often anymore. London, my favourite city in the world also feels like home to me. I’ve moved around quite a lot in my short adult life so far and it’s changed the way I think about what it feels to be ‘at home’. I often feel most at home in London despite the fact I don’t live there, but I probably go there about twice a month to see friends. There are lots of places where I’ve felt at home and at the end of the day, my true home is simply earth. I look forward to discovering more of my home as I move forward into the future. Home is where your heart is. It’s in the places and people you love.
17. If you work in a creative job you should
also create your own work.
I can’t emphasise this enough!! It’s so so important to do your own thing on the side of your job, whether you’re a graphic designer, editor, advertiser or architect or even an accountant. If you’re creative, use it. I think we are all creative in some way. We can all tap into in our creative sides if we want to. I find creating my own personal work and exploring my other creative passions and interests is really important for my own sense of fulfilment. I haven’t always been able to be as freely creative as I’d like in my career, but when I also use my creativity for my own personal development and enjoyment it really helps me fill that gap that’s sometimes missing from the 9-5.
18. It gets easier to break bad habits as you
get older.
Perhaps it’s simply a case of learning self discipline as I’ve gotten older, but I used to bite my nails until there was nothing left! I still do now if I’m stressed or anxious, but I’m much more aware of it and I find it easier not to. I find painting my nails makes me leave them alone – nice little tip there to try for any fellow nail biters out there.
19. I’ve discovered a new love for reading.
I’ve never been able to get stuck into a novel. It would take a really special book to get me into fiction. I’m not entirely sure why that is because I’m definitely one to fantasise and daydream, but fictional stories have never really grasped my interest. More recently though I’ve discovered a new love for non-fiction books. Anything from psychology or nutrition to travel writing, if it’s based on a true story or on facts and figures or science or spirituality I’m hooked. I love to learn so it probably ties in with that. When I was little I learned to read more slowly than average. Teachers said I’m dyslexic and I think that may have been a bit of a confidence hit when it came to reading as I felt stupid compared with my piers. I definitely found reading more difficult than other kids. Now as an adult my reading has improved dramatically. I’m still a very slow reader but it’s not so daunting anymore and I just have this huge desire to absorb as much information as I can from books.
20. Gone are the days when I will commute a
long way for work.
I recently started working for a company where the office is walking distance from my home and it’s been an absolute luxury. I spent years of my life commuting to jobs that were an hours drive away or a stuffy train ride away. I never particularly hated driving to work (I definitely despised commuting by train) but it was so draining and time consuming. Living in close proximity to the office has given me so much free time back and I would even go as far as saying it’s been life changing, because it’s significantly improved my quality of life. I didn’t know how badly I needed to give up the commuter life until I did it and I don’t think I could ever do it again now!
21. I have a love / hate relationship with alcohol.
Sipping an ice cold cider on a hot summer’s day is one of my all time favourite things to do. Cider is my drink of choice all year round because it seems to have less of a negative effect on me than other alcoholic drinks. I also don’t seem to get much of a hang over from cider (as long as I stick to it and don’t mix…). I am finding more and more though that with a hangover from alcohol comes pretty strong feelings of depression and anxiety, sometimes for a couple of days after drinking, and that’s even from just two glasses of wine! So I hardly ever drink anymore because I hate feeling like that. My desire to binge drink has thankfully started to die with age and I tend to stick to two or three drinks now when I go out with friends. My new found passion for health (mentioned in point 4) has also had a big influence on the amount I drink. I worry far too much about the damage drinking heavily does to my body to do it to myself anymore.
22. Never compare yourself to others.
You are you and they are them. Never compare yourself to someone who is completely different to you, and that’s everyone, so don’t compare yourself to anyone. All it does is make you doubt yourself or want things that are often unattainable. Look to others for inspiration for sure, but never with jealous eyes. Jealousy is good for nothing. It won’t help you feel any better about yourself. Instead celebrate your uniqueness and the uniqueness of others. The world is full of amazing people, including you.
23. Sleep is the best thing ever.
I’ve always been a deep sleeper. I’m lucky in that sense. I know lots of people struggle with sleep and honestly those are some of the people I feel most sorry for in this world. Sleep is so important and I really value a decent sleep now I’m older. Gone are the days of staying up until 5am doing uni work back in my early 20s and I often find myself really looking forward to going to bed on nights out. Sleep heals and regenerates your body and allows you to live your waking days to the fullest. Sleep is just the best thing ever!
24. Focus on your strengths and develop
your talents.
At school I was taught that in order to be successful you have to get good grades, particularly in maths, english and science. I was really good at science, not too bad at english and absolutely terrible at maths, but I don’t consider myself unsuccessful now because of it. My strengths were creative subjects like Art and Graphic Design and they are the subjects I did well in. Always focus on what you’re good at and get better at those things and success and fulfillment will follow. Don’t listen to people who think otherwise. For me in particular, I can’t do well at something I have no interest in. I think that’s probably the case for others too.
25. True success is more than just having money.
Success for me cannot simply be defined by an amount of money, or the size of a house. I don’t even think it can be defined by a job title. For me, I need to feel fulfilled to feel successful. Having lots of material things doesn’t make me feel fulfilled. I couldn’t care less about having the newest, shiniest Mulberry handbag. I’ll take a cute handmade satchel from a market stall in Camden for ten quid please. I think fulfillment is super important because it brings on a feeling of contentment with your achievements. Money can’t buy happiness, but creativity, passion and interest and can through driving you to design a life that you love. And when you do that…. well that my lovelies, is how you feel truly successful.
26. Finding your passion is important.
Passion is not preexisting. You can cultivate a passion as long as you find something that aligns with your core principles and interests. In recent years I’ve become ever more curious about a multitude of things. Sometimes I find myself so fascinated with so much that I sometimes find it difficult to focus! Staying curious and discovering your passions and exploring them deeply helps you to live a more colourful and creative life.
27. Don’t suffer, but use pain for growth.
Pain lets us know something is wrong: it indicates we must change what we’re doing. Suffering, though, is a choice, and we can choose to stop suffering, to learn a lesson from the pain and move on with our lives. This goes for both physical and emotional pain. Just as you can seek the advice of a professional if you have a painful knee, you can also do the same if you have a painful mind. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone about emotional pain and I’m not ashamed to say that I have had counselling a few times and I would highly recommend it to anyone. Don’t ever suffer in silence, you’re not a weaker person for needing a helping hand once in a while. Healing also takes time, so be patient with yourself and trust in the process.
28. Change is inevitable.
It won’t necessarily be apparent day-to-day but in 10, 20, 30 years time everything will be different and it’s good to be open to change and not worry about it. I remember writing down a list of things I’d like to achieve by the time I’m 25 when I was a teenager at school. None of them happened, and that’s absolutely fine, because by the time I was 25 I didn’t even want those things at that time in my life. It’s good to have a plan, but keep it monthly, or yearly.
29. Spending time in nature is like therapy.
I think just looking at plants makes me feel happier and less stressed. Sometimes all you really need is a long stroll along the beach or a walk in the park. We humans are part of nature and I think it’s easy to forget where we came from, especially when so many of us live in urban environments. I always try to dedicate some of my free time to going outside and enjoying nature, even if it’s simply walking through the park to work.
30. We mustn’t forget to celebrate our achievements.
It’s great to have dreams and ambition but at the same time we must never lose sight of what we’ve already achieved. I’m a very self critical person and I often forget about my current success before I aim higher or want to achieve more. I am getting better at taking a step back and reminding myself that I’m only human and I’m doing just fine. Taking this time to celebrate success is a good stress reliever because always wanting to strive for better isn’t always healthy as it can stem from feelings of not being good enough or as if you’re not successful enough. That in itself can result in procrastination and feelings of self doubt, like a vicious circle. I struggle with these thought cycles almost daily so it’s something I’m focusing on as I move forward into my 30s. It’s all about finding a balance between striving for more, congratulating yourself for your wins and forgiving yourself for your mistakes.